I am writing to let you know that there may have been unauthorized access to some GLA user account information.
For your protection, I have personally banned Fish Heads from chat twice, maybe three times, and also the word ‘password’ from the chat. Additionally, if you type your password in chat or on this blog, it will appear as a series of asterisks. For example: the GLA master password is *******.
I hope that this measure will ensure that the stolen passwords will not spread around.
The hardworking staff behind the GLA have worked hard to cryptographically secure all user data as hard as possible. It is hardly cryptographically encrypted onto a 512mb USB drive shaped like a humping dog. I may or may not have lost it sold it loaned it to a guy called Mike who promised to get it back to me by tomorrow. However, I now have reason to believe that Mike’s intentions were not pure and noble.
Do not fear. All of your passwords and stored credit card details (from your auto-renewing GLA gold accounts) have been encoded by a thus-far unbreakable algorithm known as Base64. Even to the most sophisticated human eye or sniffer dog, it just looks like a random bunch of junk, like somebody somehow found a way to combine Asda’s ‘Chosen by You’ Honey Numbers cereal with Alphabet Soup, without letting the Alphabet Soup go dry and the Honey Numbers go soggy. However, unlike Honey Numbers, Base64 is not made of corn. It is made of computers.
In addition, the following items appear to be missing from my basement vault:
Catsman’s special chicken fried rice recipe
A locket of BaronVonBadbeaver’s beard
My signed AniMitch poster
A top secret episode of Gentlemen Discussing Vidya that was never supposed to see the light of day
My tray of unlabelled frozen sperm samples
My tray of unlabelled frozen greek yogurt
Most of Everdark’s fat (he is thin now)
The mousemat with my face on it
The last Mitsuru body pillow in the known universe
We also recommend that you change your password at any website where you use the same or a similar password. Remember to seal your doors and windows at night. Trust nobody. Remain indoors. Do not think about the incident. Do not look at the hooded figures in the dog park. We will communicate directly with affected users with additional details.
If you have any information about who might have been responsible for this, please come forward. Although I have not seen this person, I believe that they may look similar to the individual in this photograph.
As part of the twitch-wide data breach discussed in this here blog post, twitch have one again proved their relative incompetence by leaking a bunch of ‘cryptographically protected’ (their words, not mine, they better be salted or I’ll be mad) passwords, along with other user data. Apparently this extended to stream keys, because those also seem to have been reset for all users.
By the time you read this message, I will have sent keys to everyone who had a stream key previously, and also everyone on my list of current broadcasters. The algorithm that generates the keys is untouched. This means that, if I generate you a key for the same e-mail address you used previously, your current key will still work! If it a different key, you will need to fish it out of your email and input it into your streaming program.
If you had a GLA account, your stream key will have been sent\re-sent to that email address. Remember to check your spambox! If your current key has stopped working and you have not received new one yet, then please contact me immediately by email (email@example.com). Please use the email account associated with your past GLA application so that I can verify your identity.
Max Hyperdrive Extreme Sunset Showdown Supreme could be most accurately described as a ‘post-gameshow’. The crude visuals are generated in realtime by specially-developed software. We record new episodes live on lunchtime.org.uk – check our blog for announcements.
Dog: Horatio P. Catsman
Contestants: Almightyfunk, Mix Master Mao, Freakydemon
Announcer: Kyle ‘Kyle Johnson’ Johnson
Zoltran: Jambalaya Bob
Parallel-universe Dog: Jon Williams
Music I didn’t put in the credits: Anders Dator Felix Dator, Nightbeat, Dubmood\The Hives
Video credits: Static by recroom, opening videos by lariontsev, RT, NuclearAdvisor.
DISCLAIMER: MAX HYPERDRIVE DOES NOT CONDONE THE CRACKING OPEN OF TURTLES. PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET ONLINE ARE WRONG, THERE IS NO TREASURE INSIDE. IF YOU HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY THE ISSUES IN THIS PROGRAMME THEN PLEASE VISIT CONSERVETURTLES.ORG
Hello to all. We’ll be recording another podcast episode on Saturday the 14th of March 2015, at 3PM GMT. Please join if you get the chance.
Second of all: Moogle has found his way to having a bunch of credit for a company inventively called ‘gameservers’. If you have any particular preference, feel free to suggest a game from this here list. This is a managed server and hence the game has to be from that list, you can’t just install any game on there.
Also, Max Hyperdrive is in editing. I’m trying to chop it down some and account for some of the audio problems and bugs that we had. Please stay tuned.